Desire

Simply put...I don't know what I want anymore.

I doubt I truly ever did.

I've reached the end of my high school years and, on paper, I feel I've accomplished as much as I always wanted to.

I've made it into my dream school, yet there is no excitement coursing through my veins or giddy-ness in my mind.

I participated in as much school stuff as I want.

I have chilled with my friends to my hearts content.

Yet...my heart doesn't feel content, not in the least. It's nothing to get all depressive about or what not, but I feel a bit empty.

*sigh*

What pensive pensive thoughts.


Then on a bit of a resentful tone, I'm tired of hearing people bitch about their lives without finding active solutions. Allowing themselves to wallow in their own misery is what they want to persistently commit themselves to because for some reason it's easier for them or makes them "feel better."

I'm sorry I don't understand or am unable to offer any Confuciusian wisdom to console one's worries, but one can't expect other's to help them if they are not willing to help themselves.

As my $25 t-shirt says (damn the heat was really affecting me when I bought that pricey bitch) "Conquer yourself rather than the world."

One may think that its harder to have the world in the palm of one's hand, but really it's harder to get one's emotions in control, especially if one has "emo" tendencies.

*sigh*

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel like being all that nice, especially when they don't have any nice thoughts to share with me...just negative ones.

YOUR NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR CAUSES OTHERS TO EXPERIENCE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS TOO!

Be careful. Tread lightly. Don't be such a gosh darn bitch about life.

Creating my BLOG

FUCKIN' FRUSTRATING.

I had to retype my desired password like 20 times. I finally gave up this fruitless exercise and experiment with my preexisting email address. Apparently when I'm trying to make a google account, it says it already exists. Then when I try to log in with the same email address, it says it does not. WTF!

So I reset my password because apparently my generic one I use for everything isn't valid. I reset it back to my generic one, so now it's all easy peasy. 

*sigh*

I see other people complaining and stressing out about upcoming obligations, most prominently are the AP tests and grades. I find myself not worrying whatsoever. To the point that I am somewhat worried about my lack of worrying. I am way too chill right now. A little stress can motivate me to actually study, but right now I am not feeling the pressure (TWO WEEKS AWAY), therefore I am not doing any thing particularly productive. Look at me now...I'm making a BLOG because this is the highest level of productivity I can achieve at the moment. 

I have so much time, yet none whatsoever at the same time. What a conundrum I am in. How to solve this dilemma? 

START STUDYING. 

SELF MOTIVATION...fails.

*sigh* 

I'm probably going to be posting fairly frequently due to my tendency to just avoid studying and choice to just roam around the internet typing with no overt purpose.